Having a random hookup so left but love u
I think my vagina is haunted
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
They are going to name an STD after you.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
