the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
