take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
