Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
