uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
well you can't waste a boner
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
