can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
