just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
