I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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