Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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