I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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