I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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