I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
