At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i looked up. we had an audience...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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