Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
