I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My vagina is officially offended.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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