Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
