This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
do nipples grow back?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
