I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We're too hungover to prance.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
