my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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