I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
