I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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