i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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