THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
