I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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