I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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