Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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