I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
