Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
