she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
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I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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