Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
