Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
