Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
