I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize