You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
