his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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