My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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