yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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