if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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