we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Sorry about my life...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
