What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
