omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
wat bout pragnant strippers??
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
