I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
