Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
