Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
