I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
