Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
