You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
