I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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