Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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