Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
