PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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