Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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