it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
