I think I died a long time ago.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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