I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
