good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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