dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
