Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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