are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
