So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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