Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
