i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
