my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
