i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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