Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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