"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
