ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
