I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize