OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
