when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
