my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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