i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I FOUND THE LEGS
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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