How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
